Just The Caffeine Talking

Good Guys, Bad Tactics

If you're interested in military history, you start to notice something: in any discussion of motion pictures, you're the one critiquing the battle scenes. You're the one asking "Why didn't they . . . ?" Or saying "That couldn't happen." Or simply "That's not right!"

You're also the one nitpicking the details in historical films. Those usually begin with "Actually . . . " But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the way films depict battles. The one abiding constant is that good guys aren't allowed to use good tactics. Why do heroes always have to do dumb things?

For example, in the recent Avengers: Infinity War, when the bad guys break through the force-field barrier around Wakanda, the heroes (including the entire Wakandan army) charge forward to fight them hand to hand. No artillery? No air support except for two flying superheroes? One crew-served light machine gun would have utterly turned the tide of that battle. Perhaps the Wakandans, after centuries of isolation, aren't up on 20th-century tactics, but surely Captain America, a World War II veteran, should know the basics.

One can cite endless other instances: most of the battles in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movies, most of the battles in the Narnia film adaptations, and pretty much all the Star Wars films. Invariably the heroes charge bravely forward against superior odds, blazing away with hand weapons (or swinging swords). Meanwhile the villains rely on powerful ranged weapons launching devastating but poorly-aimed single shots.

The reason, of course, is that what makes good sense on the battlefield looks terrible on screen. The key tactic of any combat since about September of 1914 has been "stay out of sight." You stay down, you use cover as much as you can, and you try to get the enemy in your sights before they realize you're even there. Also, whenever possible you call in help from your friendly artillery units, to drop a barrage on the poor bastards before they know what's happening. On the strategic level you stay away from superior enemy forces, and concentrate your own units to isolate and gang up on enemy formations.

As General Patton famously said of winning a war, it's done "by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." And that's ugly. The virtues we look for in cinematic heroes are those of the pre-Modern, "chivalric" era: individual courage, honor, and fair play. A knight (and we're talking about the fictional ideal, here, not the reality of medieval warfare) would never attack without issuing a challenge, or engage an unarmed foe. But ever since the development of firearms, that's been a recipe for defeat. Those are the virtues of warriors, not soldiers.

(This attitude occasionally even seeps into real-world politics. Every now and then one hears criticism of tactics like drone strikes or the use of night-vision gear as "cowardly" or "push-button warfare." It would be idiotic if it weren't so dishonest.)

This is a problem which is unlikely to go away any time soon. The chivalric, "knightly" mode of combat is deeply-rooted in our culture, possibly even in our genes. When hominids fight for dominance, they have to show mercy to their defeated foes, because there's no point in displaying dominance over a dead guy. But nation-states don't follow the same rules, at least not at the individual scale. So, until warfare becomes visually glamorous again, we can expect to hear nerds like me saying "That's not right!" at the movies.

 

Random Encounters: Aboard the Mauretania

In 1925 the famous RMS Mauretania is the fastest and most luxurious liner on the Atlantic run, crossing from Liverpool to New York in just six days. That still leaves passengers plenty of time to get into mischief. With two thousand passengers, eight hundred crew, and vast interior spaces for stowaways to hide in, there's never a shortage of people to meet.

ENCOUNTERS ABOARD THE MAURETANIA

(Roll d20 when moving, d10 when stationary.)

1. Roll Twice and Combine.
2. Plot Advancing Encounter: An encounter with someone or something connected to the reason you're traveling aboard the Mauretania right now.
3. Con Man: Prince Ivan Rudolf Habsburg-Romanoff is third in line to the throne of Estonia, and knows the location of the hidden gold of the Tsars near Tallinn. He just needs a few thousand dollars to cover expenses and will repay the loan tenfold — and make his benefactors Dukes! "Prince Ivan" is really Yves Bergier, formerly a waiter at the Ritz in Paris.
4. Gangsters: 2d6 tough guys in flashy clothes, heading back to New York from a visit to Sicily. They're touchy about insults, suspicious about nosy strangers, and tend to use threats and violence as the solutions to all problems.
5. Lifeboat Drill: Drop whatever you're doing and hurry on up to the boat deck! Find your assigned lifeboat! Everyone on board is milling about; you can get lost in the crowd or maybe get into someplace you wouldn't be allowed normally.
6. Monster: There's a vampire on board, or an alien carnivore in human form, or a demon jumping from host to host. Or maybe just a serial murderer taking advantage of a target-rich environment. Whatever sort of monster it is, you're all in peril.
7. Rat Swarm: A moving carpet of rats covering 1d6 square yards. They're maddened and hungry and attack anyone in their path.
8. Storm! A brutal North Atlantic storm lasting 1d4 days. During the storm the ship tosses violently and the decks are lashed by wind and rain. Most of the passengers stay in their cabins, leaving only a few hardy souls in the public spaces.
9. Tipsy Meddlers: Charles and Tillie Sinclair are very rich, drink champagne with breakfast before switching to martinis at noon, and love to solve other people's problems. If they take a liking to you, they can help in a variety of ways — Tillie went to school with the daughters of the President of the Cunard Line, Charles spent World War I doing espionage in Turkey and Central Asia, and both of them are considerably smarter than they look.
10. Wolf: It's a standard gray wolf, but how did it get aboard? If there's a full moon out, this might be one of the passengers . . .
11. Bomb! A handmade dynamite bomb inside a valise. Maybe it's intended for the characters, or maybe a disgruntled crewman or deranged passenger set it to sow chaos. The heroes may have to disarm it, or get it overboard, or deal with the after-effects of a blast.
12. Bore: Colonel Grouse-Potherby spent The War in darkest Manchester, but he firmly believes his epic anecdotes about his service are absolutely fascinating to everyone. The Colonel will attach himself to anyone who looks willing to listen, and will ignore any of their attempts to break free.
13. Drug Peddler: Kindly old Dr. Collins makes monthly trips across the Atlantic aboard the Mauretania, and his pal Freddy the steward sees that he is never disturbed. But if you're looking to buy cocaine or morphine, Freddy can steer you to Dr. Collins's stateroom. Neither of them take kindly to nosy interlopers.
14. Fumes: A careless workman spilled a bucket of paint thinner in one of the staterooms, and now the whole room reeks of toluene. If you breathe it too long it'll make you drunk or knock you out, and one lit match can turn the room into a firestorm.
15. Laundry Chute or Ventilator: It's a shaft leading from the upper decks of the ship down into the working sections where passengers never go. A quick way to escape pursuers, or dispose of something illicit.
16. Mysterious Inscriptions: Someone has scrawled Egyptian hieroglyphs on the wall in red paint — or is it blood? What do they say, and what does it mean?
17. Mysterious Lights: During the night you can make out lights in the dark water outside — and lights in the sky! A skeptic would say it's some sort of atmospheric effect, but it sure looks like some kind of strange vehicle keeping pace with the ship.
18. Shadow: Wherever you look, that odd little man with the obviously false mustache seems to be watching you. He's keeping track of where you go on board and who you talk to.
19. Ship's Infirmary: The Mauretania carries two doctors, and has separate hospital cabins for passengers and crew. You can get medical help here, at least as good as anything outside of a major hospital.
20. Tracks: Roll again to see what you find traces of.

SITUATIONS ABOARD THE MAURETANIA

(Roll 1d6 to generate a situation, and roll on the table above to see who is involved.)

1. A desires B
2. A wants to capture B
3. A wants B dead
4. A wants to go somewhere
5. A wants to solve a mystery
6. A wants X

Science!

A neglected episode of the classic TV series Cosmos.

 

 

WorldCon 76 Report: Day 5

The Monterey Bay Aquarium is a wonderful destination for a day-trip excursion from San Jose.

WorldCon 76 Report: Day 4

Reading back over my WorldCon reports, it occurs to me that I don't seem to be doing much. A couple of panels a day, and mentions of parties, but that's it. The reason is something I had to explain to a friend: "At a con the fans have fun and go to parties. The pros work . . . by going to parties." I've made at least three very useful professional connections at social events during this convention. Now, of course, going to parties is also fun, but a lot of what I've been doing is professional gossip and schmoozing, which isn't very interesting to read about. 

On Sunday the 19th I was a little surprised to discover there wasn't a panel at 10 a.m. that I absolutely had to see. So part of the Crack Team and I found a nice bakery-cafe with sidewalk seating, and had breakfast al fresco while people-watching. 

At 11 I did manage to squeeze into an absolutely packed reading by Jack Clemons from his forthcoming book Safely to Earth, which is a memoir of his time in the Apollo and Space Shuttle programs, and a look at the lives and activities of some of the half-million people involved in the space program who don't get to ride the rockets.

Following that I attended yet another panel on SETI (it's something I'm interested in; don't judge me) called "What Do We Do When We Find Them?" There was some interesting discussion — one of the participants pointed out that our reactions will likely be very different depending on whether we pick up signs of some other civilization's activities, a signal sent to us, or a physical artifact. Guy Consolmagno, the Vatican astronomer, was a delight as always. (When is the Vatican City going to put in a WorldCon bid? VatiCon, anyone?)

We had dinner with friends in San Jose, and so skipped out on the Hugo ceremonies, but we did make it back to take a turn through the surprisingly subdued post-Hugo room parties in the Fairmont Hotel. And so to bed, as Samuel Pepys would say. 

Congratulations to this year's Hugo winners:

Best Novel: The Stone Sky, by N.K. Jemisin

Best Novella: All Systems Red, by Martha Wells

Best Novelette: "The Secret Life of Bots," by Suzanne Palmer

Best Short Story: "Welcome to Your Authentic Indian Experience," by Rebecca Roanhorse

Best Series: World of the Five Gods, by Lois McMaster Bujold

Best Related Work: No Time to Spare, by Ursula K. LeGuin

Best Graphic Story: Monstress vol. 2, by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda

Best Movie*: Wonder Woman, from Warner Studios

Best TV Show: The Good Place, "The Trolley Problem," by Josh Siegel and Dylan Morgan

Best Short Story Editor: Lynne Thomas and Michael Thomas

Best Book Editor: Sheila Gilbert

Best Professional Artist: Sana Takeda

Best Semiprozine: Uncanny, edited by Lynne and Michael Thomas

Best Fanzine: File 770, edited by Mike Glyer

Best Podcast: Ditch Diggers, by Mur Lafferty and Matt Wallace

Best Fan Writer: Sarah Gailey

Best Fan Artist: Geneva Benton

John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer: Rebecca Roanhorse

*Note: until an opera or a radio play wins one of the "Dramatic Presentation" awards, I'm just calling them what they are instead of using the ungainly official names.

 

 

WorldCon 76 Report: Day 3

Saturday I rose relatively early and had a swim in the hotel pool. Staying at a hotel with a pool makes one feel about three times healthier than otherwise. No back problems from an unfamiliar bed, which means better sleep, which means one isn't living on caffeinated sodas to stay focused.

Anyway. Once again the first panels of the day were among the most interesting. I began with "Research Rabbit Holes," about excessive research or bizarre digressions in researching stories. I'm a bit prone to that sort of thing myself, so it was good to see that people like Andy Duncan, Karen Joy Fowler, and Lawrence Schoen do it too. 

Immediately afterward in the same room was a presentation on "What's New From SETI?" — to which the answer was "Not much, or you'd have already heard about it in the newspapers." I knew that going in, of course; nobody announces major scientific results at a science fiction convention.

At noon I took my station in the Autographing Area and signed a bunch of books. I was mildly surprised that no magazine collectors stopped by with copies of F&SF for me to deface, as this is the first time I've been in California. Every signee got a promotional card for Arkad's World. I signed for an hour (well, I signed for about twenty minutes with plenty of time to chat) and then went in search of lunch.

This meant I accidentally ran across the Big Controversial Protest. It consisted of about two dozen demonstrators, an equal number of counter-demonstrators, and a number of police equal to both groups combined. Without getting into the specific issues involved, I have to say both groups were terrible about "optics" and message discipline. The demonstrators were at least sensible enough to bring American flags and dress like normal people, but their signs and slogans boiled down to "WorldCon is full of pedophiles and they won't allow us in!" Across the plaza their adversaries looked like scary terrorists and were opposing fascism by denouncing the United States and screaming insults at the cops.

Proportion of convention-goers not involved in any way: 99%.

Proportion of San Jose residents unaware of what was going on: 99.999%

Proportion of passers-by who understood what any of this was about: 0%.

Anyway. After lunch I attended an extremely good panel on Alien Minds, with neuroscience people and philosophers discussing how aliens might understand the universe and what obstacles there are likely to be in communication. The audience questions at the end were surprisingly good and incisive.

I followed that up with yet another panel on SETI, this time on the impact of recent exoplanetary discoveries on the search for life in the Universe. The short version is that we have a pretty good estimate of how many stars have planetary systems (nearly all) and what proportion of those planets are in the liquid-water zones of their host stars. SF author David Brin pointed out something I've already noted here: it's increasingly likely that we're the first. A lot of potentially lifebearing worlds may be covered by icecaps, or too massive to leave easily, or lacking in any dry land, or otherwise unsuitable for a technological civilization.

That wrapped up the official part of the convention. The grownup fraction of the Crack Team spent the rest of the evening visiting the Locus 50th Anniversary party, stopping in at the SFWA Suite, and schmoozing with editors in the hotel bar. Back to our own room at about midnight, because we're getting a little old to party until dawn.

 

WorldCon 76 Report: Day 2

On Friday the 17th I dressed in my frankly magnificent Professional Author costume and plunged into the convention. All the really interesting panels seem to be first thing in the morning, so I went to one on constructing alternate histories, called "If This, Then What?" After that I took a pass through the dealer room and came across Colonel Professor Doctor Brett Cox showing off his new book, which I immediately purchased and got him to sign.

At noon I did my own panel for this convention, "The Culinary Speculative: Food in Fiction." We talked about how food can be an important symbol in stories — though sadly nobody shared any recipes.

After that I met a friend for lunch and then spent the afternoon wandering about the convention. Because most of the panels are very well-attended, it's difficult to just drop into one after it starts, as there's no place to sit. 

At the end of the day I watched the panel on "Not Hugo-Nominated Novels You Should Read," and then joined some fellow writers and scientists for dinner at a Chinese place nearby. After that we attended a party hosted by Tor Books at the Hilton hotel, and finished the evening by cruising the room parties in the Fairmont Hotel.

Thoroughly tired and a little unsteady, we retired to the room and told the rest of the Crack Team to quit playing computer games and go to bed.

 

 

   

WorldCon 76 Report: Day 1

The Crack Team were already ensconced in the Marriott hotel in downtown San Jose before this year's World Science Fiction Convention even began. We began the day with an expedition to the amazing Winchester Mystery House. We got both the basic tour (90 minutes of hiking around the biggest house in America) and the extended tour (another hour spent in the cellars, parts of the house damaged in the 1906 earthquake, and a bit too much nonsense about ghosts). Definitely a must-see, if you're in San Jose. Biggest mystery: how a house with walls covered in wood-pulp-and-linseed-oil sculpted wallpaper hasn't gone up in the world's biggest house fire. Seriously, that's like decorating with napalm.

The convention itself began at noon. The Crack Team donned our badges and headed into the mammoth convention center. Checked out the history exhibits and the tables for future WorldCon bids. Attended a panel discussion on "Tomorrow Through the Past" about using history as the model for science fiction societies and stories. Hung out with panelists Jo Walton and Ada Palmer afterward, then spent the rest of the evening at dinner with a dozen fellow Baen Books authors, editors, and artists.

Thoroughly stuffed, the Crack Team staggered back to our room to write a quick 'blog post before collapsing. Tomorrow: talking about food, and probably some parties. 

 

Where to Find Me at WorldCon 76

This coming week the 76th World Science Fiction Convention will be held in hazy San Jose, California, and I'll be one of the participants. If you want to see me, here are my scheduled appearances:

THE CULINARY SPECULATIVE: Food in Fiction (Friday, August 17, 12:00 noon in room 210C of the San Jose Convention Center). Join me, moderator Nibedita Sen, Kat Tanaka Okopnik, Rose Lemberg, and Hector Gonzalez in a discussion about food in science fiction and fantasy. 

AUTOGRAPHING (Saturday, August 18, 12:00 noon in the Autographing Area of the Convention Center). I'll have my signing pens, so bring anything you want me to deface.

Those are my only "official" appearances, but you can also find me wandering about the con all week. I'll be passing out bookmarks and postcards with a first sneak peek at the cover art for my upcoming novel Arkad's World!